Flying- It's Arse...

Bad flight decorum
If you are flying internationally on a 13-hour flight then please have the good manners to shower and deodorise before you do so. If you don’t fancy that and want to travel with raging body odour then don’t sit next to me. If filling my olfactory sense with man stink wasn’t enough falling asleep with your elbow akimbo in a ‘I’m a little teapot stance’ so I can’t even sit upright on my seat without getting an elbow to the ribs was just the icing on the cake. Airline travel it’s glamourous right? Jeeeez. Also arm rest etiquette- hogging the thing for the whole flight is not way cool, not at all.

Babies
Now I know people think babies are all amazing and cute and stuff but there really should be laws about having them on planes. If you’re not allowed to smoke (fun fact the air was cleaner on planes when people DID smoke as it was replaced with fresh air from outside constantly, now its recycled) then I think bringing a shitting, wailing, scream-machine that’s going to mentally torture everyone within a 30-foot radius should be banned too. Or at least have some soundproof boxes for them. Worst thing is the parents that are obviously exhausted from the 24/7 care and sleep deprivation babies involve sleep through the whole thing. On the flight to Sri Lanka I had two, three rows in front and they screamed like someone was graphically raping the teletubbies for 10-hours straight.

Turbulence
Never turbulent enough in my book- I want to see some 1000-foot sudden drops just so all the people that think the seatbelt is there for shits and giggles get a little lesson in safety. People die from turbulence. Not fixing your seatbelt on its just plain daft. That said turbulence seems to know exactly when the drinks are served. As soon as I have some cheap ass red wine sat in front of me then it’s cub scouts on a rollercoaster time.

Unfortunate Stopovers
Coming back from Sri Lanka we stopped off in the Maldives to drop off and pick up. Painful thing was we flew right over the Northern Atolls surf zone… Honkys and Sultans were clean and pumping. Sitting on the tarmac for an hour knowing we were in one of the world’s funnest surf zones only to fly away without getting wet sucked balls in a major fashion…

Comments

[Nige]

Soundproof cribs would be awesome. Mount them on the wall at the bulkhead where they always stick them anyway. Couple a babys squashed in each. Perfect.