Carve's Surf Rap Battle?

The new Carve is out featuring Lowey@Chopes on page 1, it's another Mickatron shot from the three legged media factory that is Mick, Ferg and Tom. Unfortunately Mr Lowe popped his shoulder again in a tangle with Laird's SUP/boat/supertanker. Which sucks balls. Two shoulder pops means surgery according to my sports massage therapist friend and repeated dislocations will be a big concern. We wish him the best of luck and with Stef training his ass we're sure he'll be fighting fit in no time.
In other news theres a competition inside to win tickets to the Relentless (not Rip Curl anymore) Boardmasters- all you need to do is write a rap. We suggest modelling your rap on the Barnes rap from World In Motion... Post yours in the comments... The original is after the jump-

Comments

[Felch]

You've got to use the same guys
On the cover page
Many other pro surfers
Are getting in a rage
But this doesn't matter
When you get a wage

I'm cheering for England... EN...GER...LAND!!

[Sharpy]

Funny is good, witty is fine, crude is okay, but defamation isn't. So keep the comments the right side of legal. If you wouldn't say it to a persons face in real life then don't say it here... Had to delete the last rap- whilst it was chucklesome it was also defamatory... Slapped wrist Jonathon.

[Meth Head]

ICE ICE BABY!
Where can I score it in Newquay?
ICE ICE BABY?

[carve]

Dear Felch

Yeah the bois on the cover cos he's charging like hell
Flew out to Chopes for a 15ft swell
Took it to the world stage instead of staying home
Guess you would have been there, if you had a set of balls
Instead you chose Fistral and those really 'gnarly' walls

Sitting on the internet talking yo shit
Too scared to put your name in case you get hit
Your name says it all Felch
You wanna step it up a bit,
Cos from where I'm sitting yo just sounding like a beaaayatch...

Oh, oh, oh....

When yo gunna realise you got to put your time in
It aint about the strutting or pub talkin jivin
These boys are going hard and there aint no denying
While you sat at home all crying and whining

So go get some sucker, tis all their for the taking
And if you got some balls, the cover you'll be making
So what up? What happening? Are you still here?
What's keeping you from doing it? Dont tell me it's fear?
Go get some homeboy, make a name for yourself
Or are you just a wannabee washed up on the shelf!

If you cant respect what these boys are doing you don't know shit
They've deserved all the coverage, every little bit
So go get some sucker, if you got the nerve
Until then wind your neck in and consider yourself serrrrved.

Don't get bitter and twisted and bogged down in politcking, the waves arent listening, They just keep rolling in, and while they keep rolling we'll keep surfing. This is Carve magazine doing it for the big people, the little people and everyone in between, for the one love that we all share but some seem to have forgotten weighed down by money, ego, jealousy and the fear of showing their little bitty manginas out there in the sunshine.
We out! Boooom!

[John Travoltas Quiff]

"It aint about the strutting or pub talkin jivin"
Ain't dat de truth brothers...

[Barnes Don't Surf]

You’ve got to hold your rail
And show some sack
You can be slow or fast
But you must get in the shack
Lips always hit you and hurt you
Closeout and shut down
Theres only one way to beat them
Pull in and don’t fail
Catch one if you can
Cos’ I’m the tube riding man
And what you’re looking at
Is the master plan
We ain’t no boogers
This ain’t a booger song
Three mill wetty on my chest
I know we can’t go wrong

[jim bob]

that's the gayest thing i've ever read in my entire life

[Simon Cowell]

Well it does fit into the Barnes rap perfectly... some credit where credit is due. Musta taken at least 5-minutes to come up with that.

[Sharpy]

Well it does, if nothing else, fit in with the Barnes rap...?!

[Grant Mitchell]

carve need to get a grip on reality here. 'Rap' battle? I mean, come on. How lame has British surfing become? I agree with Felch - where's the Yellow Submarine song gone? Thought that was hilarious!

'Yew'

Give me strength

[Ain't Nuthin But A G Thang...]

To the tune of "I Love College" by Asher Roth
(If you don't know it you are obviously very uncool and not down with the
kids, youtube it and it will make more sense)

I LOVE COVERAGE

That part of my last ride was awfully crazy I wish you taped it
I pulled in too late, shut my eyes and hoped I'd make it
I'll break my board and snap my leash but one good shot is all I need
I only pull in, when I see a lens, then pull through the back, and do it
again
Man, I love coverage, ay!
And I love logos, ay!
I love attention, ay!
Man, I love coverage

I wanna get some coverage on this surfing stage
Ideally a cover or a profile page
I do it for glory and never for wage
Cos stickers and clothing is how I get paid

So focus on me, and let's get that shot
You can make it look bigger in photoshop
I am the King, of the closeout pull-in
Throwaway airs, and busting out fins

A rainy grey day, is not a pay day
So I only surf when the light is ok
Time isn't wasted when I'm getting pasted
So long as you got the shot before I ate shit

Um, that part of my last ride was awfully crazy I wish you taped it
I pulled in too late, shut my eyes and hoped I'd make it
I'll break my board and snap my leash but one good shot is all I need
I only pull in, when I see a lens, then pull through the back, and do it
again
Man, I love coverage, ay!
And I love logos, ay!
I love attention, ay!
Man, I love coverage