Don't you find it a bit weird that your main sponsors name- ANIMAL is an anagram of I'M ALAN? And is it not about time they did some signature t-shirts emblazoned with those very words?
I tried to get them to do that but for some reason they said only
people called Alan would buy them plus one of those Alans would get one
for free, I couldn't argue with that so I ordered some more free
clothes.
If you parents had not named you Alan what name would you choose for yourself?
You know what there aren't a whole lot of Alans out there I’ve met a shitload of people called John lately so I’m glad my parents didn't call me that. Now I’m not saying people called John should be gutted and change their name to something a bit less common (just in case you where offended their John) I don't want half the population of the world turning up on my doorstep, because I’ve also noticed that most of the Johns I’ve met are quite big. It’s just because it’s weird when someone shouts your name but they were actually talking to someone else, it happened to me the other day and it was just weird and what's more I felt left out.
If I had to choose my own name I think I would go with ‘J K’ it wouldn't stand for anything just J last name K I think it’s got something to do my minimalistic tendencies. For example I only have about fifty surfboards in my quiver: little is more I like to say. Plus that guy from Jamiroquai is called JK, I’m hoping that just by having the same name I will suddenly be able to dance magic dance.
On that note what animal would you like to be reincarnated as and why?
If I was reincarnated as an animal I would be a dolphin, its not hard to guess why, plus Celine already calls me ‘Dolphin Boy’ and I can make an uncanny sound like one, I can also make the sound of radiation being picked up on a radioactive recording device (that’ll be a Geiger counter. Ed), they sound very similar.
In a similar vein if you could have a super power what would be- power of flight, invisibility or something else?
If I had a superpower it would be the power of flight, hands down the best super power plus I would save a packet on flights and carbon offsetting.
What's more satisfying for you at this point in your surfing evolution a good bazza or making a sick air?
I would say that I love landing a sick air but a good old late drop into a thick, whomping bazza will always tickle my fancy and get the heart racing.
Given the choice would you surf 6-foot barrels in coldwater in a 6mm with no one but you and your mates or the same waves in boardies in the tropics but with a crowd?
Easy question- cold and lonely any day, it’s the best thing about being a British surfer, trust me we have got it better than we think my friends.
Where have you yet to surf that you want to?
I would love go to Tahiti and surf Chopes and that wave in the Caroline's (P-Pass) and that really long left they just found in Africa. There are quite a few places but Chopes would be my first pick.
Describe your perfect wave.
My perfect wave would have to be Snapper with no one out maybe the takeoff could be on a really heavy slab and if you make that then it hits the sand bar and does the Snapper thing.
Do you claim? Be honest now, and if so what style does you prefer?
I don't think I claim too much but the boys reckon I flick my hair so much that it could be subliminal claiming, I think it’s because I can’t see where I'm going. But if I had to pick a style of claim then the ‘look back bow to the wave after a long tube’ like that penguin in Surfs Up, would be the gold.
If we organised a petition to get you banned from the UK where would you live?
Errm, if I was kicked out of the UK then I would live in SW France- good food, good waves, good weather and bad drivers that keep me entertained for hours.
How did you manage to avoid the Newquay vortex that's sucked so many talented young surfers into drink and drugs?
I guess I was just so into my surfing that anything else ceased to exist. I also saw the damage it caused and wised up real quick. I knew that if I wanted to surf for a living I needed to stay focused. Everything in moderation except surfing.
What advice would you give to grommets coming up now about making it as a pro?
My advice would be immerse yourself in inspiration and believe that you can do anything if you really truly want it, but don't just sit there and wait for it to happen go out there and grab it.
Do you think the kids get sponsored too young before they've really proved themselves these days?
I think it comes down to the stuff you’re made of. When I was real young I was sponsored and it was cool, it gave me confidence and a taste of something that I could become, it just depends how you spin it.
But I will say that if you sponsor these kids and brand them up, when they grow up and have potential and dreams and need serious backing its time to play ball, I'm saying its a two way street- product and stickers wont get you to contests on the other side of the globe. I was lucky enough to have great help and support from Animal and the people that work there but I know my friends weren't as fortunate and it’s a real shame.
If you were in charge of the BSA and had a magic wand what would you do?
If I was in charge of the BSA and had a magic wand there would be copious amounts of funding that could be used for the employment of first class coaches, trainers and managers. This is where our sport needs to head, we have the talent but we don't have the foundations, oh yeah, and it would also be nice if the government recognised us as a sport and sent some of that lottery sport funding our way… maybe we should start surfing in trainers?
Is there anyone coming up you see with genuine WCT potential?
I think that the new crop of talent coming through all have the potential to make a name for themselves, the standard of British surfing is right up there, leading the charge though I would have to say Jayce and Reubyn are looking the most focused and it shows in their surfing and results. I just feel that surfing in this country from a competitive perspective needs more support from coaching to managing of careers for these young talents to shine.
When was the last time you ate a meat?
It was at Stu Norton's gallery opening I ate a vol-au-vent that had bacon in it needless to say I nearly painted a few canvasses myself…
When they day comes and you lose your golden mane will you go gracefully bald or will you roll with a wig?
If I go bald I will shave my dome and polish it, I think round bald patches on the top of your head look a bit silly, like you were trying break dance and span on your head for to long.
Not tempted to start tandem surfing with Celine?
Ha ha! Too cheesy, I would just piss myself laughing and fall off.
Where do you stand on the SUP thing? About as welcome in the line up as someone tailing a funeral cortege in a pink ice cream van blaring out Greensleeves... Or a good core workout that's like super fun on the smaller days?
SUPs are really annoying when they think they are Laird at Chopes on a 2-foot summer swell giving it the full posed paddle and then failing to have any control whilst ignoring the fact that you were paddling out in front of them before they had even caught the wave even thou they had looked at you several times, maybe they were thinking I'm taller than you, I am a waterman, there for I am more superior in the line up watch this and then consequently they bog a rail lose their balance and you've got the equivalent of a super tanker to deal with. ‘Twats’ I call them hopefully loud enough so they hear me. But on flat days they are fun and good for you.
Picture if you will the hypothetical world where you don't have a wonderful, loving girlfriend and are somehow single-
Boffins have perfected a clone of Gisele (or whomever your dream woman is- be it Angelina Jolie or Hev from EastEnders). This woman loves you, desires you, surfs and is everything you want in a woman.
Only downside is she has one finger made from human shit. Would you take her?
I would take her and chop her finger off with an axe the dirty little monkey.
