Snoring
What possible purpose does snoring have? Is it purely designed to show womenfolk you’re entirely unsuitable for breeding? Or is there a more primal reason- a defence mechanism maybe? So when we were sleeping in caves the sabre tooth tiger wouldn’t come in and have some crunchy cavemen nuggets cos of the unpleasant rasping growl/snore coming from within which was surely some ugly assed beast that could tear Mr Tiger a new one. It’s not even a fat bloke disease cos plenty of skinny surfers snore like a defective buzz saw. The ladies don’t get away scot free either as plenty of the fairer sex bust out a good snore…
Service station coffee
Now I’m partial to a good latte. A bit metrosexual I know but hey I do hang out in London a lot these days. It’s a simple thing- dribble some fine Colombian coffee in the cup, steam the milk to stretch the milk proteins, make sure it’s hot but not boiling and pour in. Leave a space at the top and spoon in some frothy love. I’m no barista (posh word for coffee pouring monkey) but given the tools I reckon I could bang out a decent one. So how is it the minimum wage monkeys in service stations across the land all manage to pour you a white coffee with no foam and boiling milk? Do the certificates of ‘barista excellence’ mean nothing? Don’t even think about asking for a cappuccino cos you’ll get the exact same result, flat, frothless, shitey white coffee. Top tip just get an Americano- a posh word for a normal coffee. They can’t stuff that up…
Badly timed onshores
Been suffering from these of late. You rock up somewhere, the tides a bit off but otherwise conditions are perfect. So you naff off to get a badly made posh coffee somewhere and comeback an hour later. Get all tarped up in your suit and jump in the briney. Just as you get out back and rub your hands in glee at the session ahead the wind flicks you the V’s flips around and blows the previous flawless conditions to a gale force hell. It sucks balls. Especially when you’ve just done a big, fat, stinky, golden morning piss in your wetty…
Aritz
The surfer with the least flare and rummest style on tour taking out Kelly? Something wrong there.
Comments